Hendak Seribu Daya, Tak Hendak Seribu Dalih

For those who understand the Malay language, the idiom above means that if you really desire something, you would do everything that you possibly can to achieve it no matter what difficulties you face.

The story behind this ? Well, I've been having some issues at my current workplace for some time now, and the only way around this is to find a new employer. Hence last Friday, I met up with the editor of a very popular media company inquiring about this possibility of having me in his team.


I guess I was rather naive. I did think that since elections were around the corner, there would be some opportunities open for me. Well, unfortunately it didn't turn out that way. Despite my decent portfolio, I couldn't be offered the full time position that I so desired. Turns out that I have to find my own way instead to climb up the ladder as a freelancer first.

I was advised to shoot whatever that was relevant to the coming elections. But what was I to know? So far everything I had wasn't up to their expectations because it was not significant enough to be added to their news roll.

 I mean, how was I to know? All this while in my current company, I just shoot whatever is in front of me. I don't need to think so much and plan my shot in such detail.

 It all boils down to this issue. For every work that I do, I need to get paid for my expenses. Never mind the charges for my full frame camera and equipment - even my petrol and meals don't get paid for !

 Some people say that if you love what you do at work, it doesn't matter whether you get paid doing it. Unfortunately for me, it does.

I'm not saying that I am a generous spender, but life in Kuala Lumpur is hard without a decent source of income. Rent, utility bills, meals, petrol, handphone all need moolah !

I'm currently being asked to do a picture story - submit 8-10 images and hopefully that will bring in some income. But I'm not too optimistic about this deal. I have been disappointed too many times to know that people will willingly not pay for your images, even though they're not that bad at all.

My patience is wearing out even though I've managed to be an 'unofficial' photographer with this company for a few days. I don't think I can use the line - " Hi I'm Brandon. I'm currently a photographer for company X and I'd like to take some photos of you'.

Coming back to the idiom 'hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih', if things don't work out the way it should financially, I reckon I need to look someplace else. Its impossible for me to keep shooting and not get paid for it, unless its just a wonderful hobby for me.

Hopefully this week will be a better one. I've another interview in the next few days, but the job requires me to also be in a shop, and outdoor assignments will almost a rarity. Not my cup of tea.


Sometimes you just have to close the door to something although you really believe in it. Dreams are over. Its time to live in the real world.

Wish me luck guys. A brand new week has begun.

Adios !