A reluctance for change

I was chatting to a female friend today who lamented the fact that everyone else around her was getting attached (and married) while she still remained single. She's been very busy with her coursework, and after work she straightaway goes home and locks herself up in the room. She wants to hang out with her friends, but they all can't be bothered or are busy with their 'significant other'.

Doesn't this situation sound like some of us? We want to change our current situation, but we can't be bothered or are afraid to do so. Some of the famous manuals say 'just be yourself' so that the other person can see who you exactly are and might accept you. But is that really true?

I've been watching some of Carson Kressley's fashion shows (eg. Look Good Naked), where he helps single moms who have been out of the dating scene for a long time to get back into a relationship, or at least improve their self esteem and get more attention. He firstly throws out their ordinary clothes, brings them to a high end clothes shop and gives them a total makeover. They then receive some exclusive spa treatment, some fancy makeup and hairdo and in the end get to pose nude for a very capable fashion photographer.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that everyone should do this because its not entirely feasible. Who would have the funds required to have a total wardrobe, make up and hairdo change? And not many of us would be willing to get that much attention either, especially in Asian cultures.

In most of my Christian upbringing,  the guys have to do all the hard work, and rope the girls in who are seemingly docile and who are at will to reject any person they come across. And I've heard of many cases where a totally capable guy is smashed to the ground because he was rejected in a less than ideal manner.

My friend honestly thought that she didn't need to change her attitude and physical appearance. I did try to give some subtle hints, but she wasn't attuned to the fact that some change would be required, because her contemporaries didn't urge her to do so and believed that the guys would do all the hard work and accept them as they are. They didn't need to change anything, and the guy will be totally understanding and meet all their needs at the blink of an eye because they 'deserve' it.

By all means, I respect guys who're currently dating these high maintenance ladies. The maintenance doesn't have to be financial all the time, but emotionally and time consuming as well. They will have to forgo their supper times with their friends, stay with their future in laws at the cost of their own interests and happiness, and endure many other things. I dread these kind of relationships where one sided compromises have to be made. Aren't we guys meant to grow some balls?

We may laugh at the character of John Arbuckle in the Garfield comic who's desperately trying to get himself attached. But deep down, when we look closely at ourselves, some of us may not be that different from him.

Let us all constantly strive to change ourselves for the better, and not live defeated lives that wish we could have done something to change our situation. Leave John Arbuckle behind, and live life to the full.

cheers.