what are the chances of..

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

1.5% chance of surviving sudden cardiac arrest outside hospital

That was what The Straits Times of Singapore said last Saturday. The Straits Times news report then went on to say:

Time is of the essence if a person is to survive sudden cardiac arrest, say doctors. Generally, the survival rate of people who suffer from it outside a hospital setting is poor - between 1.5 per cent and 3 per cent, said Dr Chee Teck Siong, a cardiologist at East Shore Hospital. This is not helped by the small number of people here who are trained in CPR - cardiopulmonary resuscitation - and also by the limited effectiveness of performing CPR, he said.

This little piece of information is most interesting indeed. But what are the ratings of the many other things that are happening around us and which will affect our life or livelihood? Let us go through the list.

2.5% chance the RM625 rebate will help cover the recent petrol price increase

A full tank of petrol which used to cost us RM80 or thereabouts now cost us about RM120. And this full tank will last us about a week if we are careful and do not travel unnecessarily. The RM625, therefore, helps cover only five weeks of our petrol usage. This means the balance 47 weeks of the year will not be covered and we will need to fork out at least another RM5,640 from our own pocket, which also means the RM625 represents only about 10% of our needs.

1.75% chance our EFP will last till the day we die

According to Bank Negara Malaysia, we will need more than RM1 million in EPF savings if we retire at the age of 56 and live beyond the age of 66. And this would only be so if the retiree lives modestly and does not go for overseas trips or takes too many holidays. Bank Negara further says that most Malaysians finish all their EPF savings after just three years and thereafter they are broke. Not many Malaysians retire with more than RM1 million in EPF savings and the majority would have to survive with a fraction of that amount. This means the majority of Malaysians will either have to die before the age of 60 or else live beyond 60 broke to their bones.

0.25% chance Umno will change

After getting badly whacked in the 8 March 2008 general election, Umno still does not understand the reason why the voters rejected Barisan Nasional in favour of Pakatan Rakyat. Until today, Umno is still raising racial issues and making statements like the biggest mistake they made was to give the immigrants citizenship in 1957 and that these immigrants have shown their ingratitude by voting for the opposition. It is apparent that Umno is still suffering from AIDS (Acquired Intense Denial Syndrome) and will never wake up to the fact that its racial politics resulted in its poor election performance and its further exploitation of race issues will just antagonise the voters even further.

0.75% chance Najib will become the next Prime Minister

Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad says that the only way Najib Tun Razak will be able to become the Prime Minister of Malaysia would be if he divorces his wife, Rosmah Mansor. Betting on the possibility that Rahim Thambi Chik will lose his fetish for underage girls is a better bet than betting on the possibility that Rosmah will allow Najib to discard her like a used condom.

1.25% chance Pak Lah can sit through a two-hour meeting

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is known to be incapable of reading half a page A4 without nodding off or to stay awake more than ten minutes into a meeting. Getting Pak Lah to read a ten-page report or to stay awake the entire two hours is more difficult than ensuring Rahim Thambi Chik can stay focused on the conversation during a fashion show of the latest bikinis.

0.05% chance the leaders will return all the money they stole

An estimated RM2 trillion of the nation’s wealth has been plundered and squandered by our leaders over the last 35 years or so. The chance of these leaders suddenly getting a serious attack of remorse, which will result in these leaders returning all this money they plundered and squandered, is as remote as the chance of Paris Hilton becoming a nun and campaigning for a ban on premarital sex.

0.1% chance Pak Lah can stay on as PM beyond Christmas

There is a strong possibility that the next Parliament session will commence with a vote of no confidence against Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and there is also a strong possibility he may be out of office as early as next week.

50% chance of Malaysia finally having a Malay Prime Minister

After having non-Malay Prime Ministers for the last 51 years since 1957, Malaysia may finally get its first Malay Prime Minister when Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah takes over as Prime Minister in the not too distant future.

source here