Wednesday, May 06, 2009

I feel like a little chicken

I feel like a little chicken hanging for dear life at the end of a thin wire. There is no where else to go. The wire can only go left and right, but the person who's handling the pulleys has gone for his lunch break. Below me, two hungry, gleeful eyes peer at me diligently, waiting for the right moment to take action.

The creature decides its time to take action action, and poises himself ready for the kill. He puts his head up, and lunges straight at me. I close my eyes tightly and wait for my doom, but all I hear is a loud noise of teeth snapping and a crash of water below me. I open my eyes every so slightly, and feel relieved that the creature has not got me yet.

But this is not the end. The creature has all the time in the world, and does the same thing, again, and again, and again. Every time he misses, I breathe a sigh of relief to console myself, but the actual thing is with every time the creature misses me, he reels himself back together, and gets better and better each time.

I can feel his jaws getting closer and closer to me, and the sound of impending doom ever so nearer. There's no where for me to run. I try to curl myself up like a ball to avoid his bites, but its energetically and mentally draining me out. I don't think I can hold on much longer.

Part of myself feels really tempted to let everything go, and let the creature end everything for me. Of course, my other fellow chickens will feel sad, but its the only way I can console myself because I feel I don't belong to this world any longer. Its a sad fact, but its inevitable.

There are some people , myself included, who are in a similar situation like this little chicken. No matter how smart we are, we're only human, and have a tendency to put ourselves in compromising situations, even though we are thought to clearly stay away from them. We can do all things to hide our past errors. Unfortunately, most , or at least our past sins will find us out, and when that happens, we have nowhere else to hide.

We become so defeated, and fragile that we come to our wits end, after using up all our might to hang on to that small piece of wire. We're so tempted to give up, let go and let the jaws of death do what they are supposed to do.

I have to admit, during these past one and a half years, I've experienced so many things in life, things that I would never imagine myself nor my own family and friends to go through. Its a dirty and sick world out there. If we look to the world, it will only suck us dry, and others will hang us out on the line as bait in order to save their own selfish selves.

My strength of my fingers are waning. I am weak, and weary. Only time will tell when its time to end everything.



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